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I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion.
” he said.“We go into marriage assuming we’ll be monogamous,” I said, “but then we get restless.
We don’t want to split up, but we need to feel more sexually alive.
Before I met each man I would ask: “Why are you doing this? What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex, at all.
They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted.
Maybe the reason some wives aren’t having sex with their husbands is because, as women age, we long for a different kind of sex.
I know I did, which is what led me down this path of illicit encounters.
But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family.
Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop and her desire can wane.
At 49, I was just about there myself, and terrified of losing my desire for sex. So we have an imbalance, an elephant-size problem, so burdensome and shameful we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it.
If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. I didn’t have a full-on affair with the tattooed husband.
We slept together maybe four times over a few years. I never felt possessive, just curious and happy to be in his company.