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Regardless of the circumstances of her previous marriage, going through a divorce can also impact how she sees or acts in a romantic relationship, says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy. That’s why you should ask these key things before you get serious: A person who completely avoids the topic or shows “significant discomfort” talking about her divorce may still be emotionally invested.
Or at the very least, it may show there is still some serious tension about the topic, Cilona says. It can show that she has an unhealthy connection to her previous marriage and/or spouse, which could be trouble for your future, he says.
However, her answer to the question can provide clues as to whether that’s the case.
Not everyone can speak highly about their ex, but if she’s super bitter or angry about him, that could be a sign that she’s still emotionally invested in the relationship, Durvasula says.
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Other bad signs: Your partner puts the blame for the demise of the marriage on her ex, or says she’s learned gross generalized lessons about men or marriage based on her experience, Cilona says.
“No matter what the situation, each partner has accountability and contributes in some ways to the relationship and dissolution of the marriage,” he points out.
A lot of it comes down to how the divorce went down, says licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph. For someone who was only married a few years without kids, divorce could feel like a normal breakup except with lots of documents to sign, she says.
“[But] a divorce for someone who was married a long time or has kids may mean having to integrate all of those factors into the relationship,” Duvasula says.